Little Bitty Eagle

I didn't know this stuff

Archive for the tag “campaign solicitations”

They want my money

CoubertSelfPortait

I didn’t know this stuff, but I want to know

I keep getting unsolicited emails from people running for president.  They ask for money.  Sometimes they get mean and take me to task because I haven’t already GIVEN them money.  How unfair.  I don’t have any money.  But they just keep on asking, and every time they ask it just reminds me that I don’t HAVE any.  Well, here are my repleys to all of that.  I drafted a template to send back to their automated emails and am faithfully sending it each time I get a request for MONEY.

This is why I cannot send you money for your campaign for the presidency

    My microwave burnt up
    my oven doesn’t work
    my lawn mower won’t run
    I cut my grass with a weed eater, and my wrist is injured from it.
    my truck is broken and won’t run
    my washing machine won’t spin and the part costs 75.00
    my spouse is disabled
    the squirrels ate up my garden
    the price of groceries went sky high
    everything is going to crap
    all my water lines froze this winter, I had to haul water from the pool to take a bath

I did manage to pay my property tax to the city and county, my federal income tax, my state income tax.  Now that I don’t have any money, at least I don’t have to worry about the IRS coming after me for money I don’t have.  But NOW I have to worry about my electricity being turned off.  Don’t have to worry about the water being turned off because it froze and I can’t use it.  But because the city, the county, the state, the IRS, and the federal government has all of MY money, I have to worry about how I’m going to pay these bills.  BUT even though everybody else has free insurance, free food I still pay $300.00 a month on health insurance so someone else out there can get free insurance that doesn’t deserve it.

I NEED HELP   –   PLEASE SEND MONEY
PLEASE SEND ALL YOUR DONATIONS TO:

I DON’T HAVE ANY MORE MONEY TO SEND YOU
I DON’T HAVE ANY MORE MONEY THE GOVERNMENT CAN TAKE AWAY
I DON’T HAVE ANY MORE MONEY THE IRSS CAN COME STEAL
DESPERATE, PLEASE SEND MONEY, URGENT

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And here are some of the previous ones I’ve sent . . .

 Yah know, I know that I’m on some kind of Conservative list, and that’s great as far as lists go.  I believe in all that stuff, and that’s even better.  And I know all about form mail, and automatic mailers, and all of that.  And I understand that there is not a REAL person on the end of that mailer that would give me a real answer.  Please correct me if I’m wrong though.  It would be a revelation.

But even though I’m all that and am going to vote conservative.  I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE THAT DON’T HAVE ANY FREEKING MONEY.  (yes, I WAS yelling this, LOUDLY)  AND every time you send and email asking me for MONEY, it reminds me that I don’t HAVE ANY MONEY, because THE GOVERNMENT HAS IT ALL.

And I can tell you that will make me yell really loud.

Now do something about it, and stop asking me for something I don’t have.  Your emails were only informative whenever I DIDN’T know you were running for office.  After the first email I KNEW YOU WERE RUNNING.  Get it?
More emails asking for money do not equal more money from ME anyway.

BECAUSE I HAVE NONE.  DUMMY

So . . . IF you are going to send me an email of any kind, please be sure that it is an informative one, and NOT 50 emails asking me for money.  Make sure they are informative so that I know something I didn’t know previously to the PREVIOUS email I got from you, you know, the one that . . .

ASKED ME FOR MONEY THAT I DON’T HAVE, AND WON’T EVER HAVE TO GIVE YOU.

NOTE:  I lived in a neighborhood that was very peaceful.  Older residents, beautiful trees, nice neighbors.  Until a bunch of drug dealers moved into a house across the street.  I’ll be damned if the traffic on the street didn’t start to resemble a McDonalds drive through with all the drug trafficking, the parties, the yelling.

They would sit in their front yard like Gargoyles and watch you in your front yard.  They would observe when you left to go shopping and wait till you left to invade your yard and steal stuff.  I put up a privacy fence to block even looking at them.  I wore dark sunglasses so that I could avoid eye contact so that I wouldn’t provoke them.

Finally one day we went to a Neighborhood Watch meeting sponsored by the local police.  I told them that these guys were smoking dope right on the sidewalk.  He questioned me and wanted to know how I KNEW they were smoking dope.  He told me that I couldn’t prove it, and he could not harass them.  Okay, what did he want me to do?  HIS JOB?

It took the police THREE YEARS to arrest these jokers.

NOW I was under the impression that idiot in the white house was going stop doing all the illegal things that he continues to do whenever the Republicans became a majority in the Congress.  I have been watching the news for over 5 years.  And during that time I have watched everything go to hell in a handbasket.  So when are you going to stop this?  When we are already a country where everyone from a foreign country runs America?

Get a bug in your ass and earn your money.  Americans are tired of all this crap.  At least the truly American Americans are.
As it is now, I vote, and then wait for nothing to happen.  But I still vote, so stop harassing me about money I don’t have.  And we’ve waited way more than three years.  I think that by the time this one quits I’ll probably be dead from old age.

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And for one of those that actually sent me a text message on my phone asking for money . . .

Listen, I we were checking my spouses phone the other day.  (The one we ONLY use to communicate with each other) and found a text message from you guys.  At least it was from somebody that was campaigning for Cruz.
I like Cruz.  I might even vote for him.  BUT, how did you get our phone number?

I consider that rather intrusive, and suspiciously like the NSA knowing all your stuff.  AND, in the vein of “tranparency”, you might like to inform me of how that “getting of my phone number” came about, huh?
Maybe you might just let me know how that works?  Huh?  If you don’t tell me, I might consider you to be
very UN-transparent.  Especially since this is a normally private phone number only used for my significant other or for using my card.

Let me know please.  I don’t like this stuff.

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And all they could send me back in repley to my letters was a canned robotic message letting me know how I could visit the white house, etc, etc. . .

I am forlorned

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